Survived Vacation

So I came back yesterday from my vacation at a Country Club in Palm Desert, CA. It was so nice and very relaxing.  In those 6 days my ED only attacked me strongly 2 days which out of 6 is AMAZING!!! Now physically I tried to eat "normal" with my family on Wednesday, I arrived to the desert on Monday and two days later I was like my family is unhappy im restricting I should just try to eat more. So I did.. they ate Chinese food; I ate broccoli & vegan chicken and that was monumental since I have issues with restaurant food I can do it but anxiety will be up the roof! So I was like "Nicky you are not going to purge or spend 6 hours swimming, just RELAX" oh and if that was not enough I shared a brownie with my mom.  This was SOOOOO horrifying because I have HUGE issues with unhealthy food but I was trying to not let my ED make my family relationships on vacations takeover so I did it. I stayed in the room, did not exercise watched "Ray Donovan" and just tried to ignore the voices in my head screaming at me that I am a disgusting, worthless, FAT pig.  My stomach was in so much pain and after 4 hours I was throwing up uncontrollably even water. It was so awful I seriously thought I was going to die!!! I called my friend who stayed by me while I was freaking out because I was like beyond freezing shaking and couldn't stop throwing up.My stomach was sensitive the rest of the trip so I could not eat very much because I did not want to purge so physically the trip was shitty.  But I had a lovely time with my family and I hiked and swam and walked a lot. I also did lots of crafts & tanning with my little sister which was surprisingly nice & I went shopping which I am just going to devote another post to that experience since this is already getting way too long! But anyways I love exercising and when I was doing stuff like hiking, swimming, etc. I had a blast it was not to burn calories just fun because I love to do those things. However on Friday I was on the treadmill at the clubs gym & that was just my ED talking, it was not fun since my knees were in pain from hiking.  But in 6 days I only did that once so I am making progress.  I hope everyone is doing better than I am!! Oh and I started school yesterday.  Sooo the relapse that started 1 month ago is just not getting better.  I feel like besides the trip I have taken 10 steps backwards from recovery! If you guys are recovered or recovering please share tips with me or email me I REALLY need the support!!! Thank you lovelies!!!