Some Freedom & Decisions

OMG!!!! Hiii Everybody or nobody . . . I dont know! if anyone is reading this all I have to say is IM SOOOO Excited.  Yesterday I took my driving test for the first time & I passed :) :) :) I have my license! I feel so free, it is sooo nice and just feels amazing! On the other hand I am not so excited I have four treatment centers to choose from and I am not even sure if I really want to go to treatment.  I am just very nervous and not sure whether to just fall harder in my "relapse" or really put all my energy into recovery.  I feel so much more in control when I restrict, it is like I am back home.  It may be a weird concept but I feel so much better, a small part of me still wants/needs recovery! A break from my eating disorder which lately feels like a full time job would be nice.  I am just lost at which direction I want to take.  It is weird because when I made my first post I was 100% recovery all for it but things just quickly spiraled out of control and it is so easy to slip back into restriction it is like it takes its toll overnight! Hope everything is going better and more steady for you guys! Love you all!!!